


#DeadpoolGetsHitched

by Attalander



Category: Deadpool (2016), Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Gen, Negasonic is Sassy, Weddings, first-person pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-15
Updated: 2018-11-15
Packaged: 2019-08-24 03:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16632230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Attalander/pseuds/Attalander
Summary: Deadpool and Vanessa are tying the knot. Negasonic blogs about it.





	#DeadpoolGetsHitched

**Author's Note:**

> Just a random little word-doodle that’s sat on my hard drive for the last several months.

Hey, morons. Name’s Negasonic Teenage Warhead. 

Yeah, I know, not my legal name. But it’s what was written on the wedding invitation, in pink glitter gel pen on the back of a Chuck-E-Cheese’s menu. Colossus got one too, and wound up tagging along as my chaperone (aka killjoy).

I'd never been to a wedding before… and I'm pretty sure I still haven't. If Sister Margaret’s is a church, then it’s dedicated to Saint Jack Daniels, and the old lady who did the service was holding her children’s illustrated bible upside down.

Also “do you take this dipshit who still owes me rent” is not a standard wedding vow in any religion I've ever heard of. 

I didn't get to see them exchange rings, though. Colossus put a giant metal hand over my eyes the moment Deadpool went for his zipper. 

Vanessa says it's because it's less likely to get cut off than his finger. I asked if she'd ever met the man she was marrying. She decided to adopt me, and Deadpool said he’d already called dibs. TL;DR, if the X-Men gig doesn't work out, I've got an in with both the strippers and the mercs.

Colossus says he’s definitely making sure the X-Men gig works out, but I'm still taking her up on the dance lessons. The first dance proved that woman is freakishly flexible, like Spider-man flexible. I don't know how they even got the stripper pole into the Chuck-E-Cheese, but she & Deadpool were pretty awesome.

… for geezers, obviously. Like, all the music was from the 80’s. Ancient.

But they rented out a whole Chuck-E-Cheese’s for the reception, and Deadpool cut the wedding cake with a katana, and I arm-wrestled the best man until he squealed like a little girl, and most of the bridesmaids kept their tops on. The ones who didn't were wearing pasties and seemed to enjoy tormenting Colossus. He couldn't cover both his eyes and mine properly… he does know I've seen breasts before, right?

There’s two, attached to my chest.

Anyway, probably not legally binding, but still damn fun… and if you tell Deadpool I said that, I'll blow up your car.

#Negasonic


End file.
